Call me spoiled, wasteful, whatever.  One thing you will NEVER call me is without toilet paper!  This past week we had the latest phone book delivered to our door.  Being the techno-savvy couple my wife and I are, we don’t have much use for such “old tech”.  Before putting it in the recycle bin (need to see if there’s a way to get off the list completely) I tried thinking of possible uses I would have for it.  Sure it’s flammable in case of an emergency, but at the same time I’m not so sure how healthy the dyes used on the paper would be to inhale or get around food you’re cooking on the fire.  Maybe as a simple starter it would work, but I don’t really need that at this point in my preparations and don’t have the excess storage needed to keep it around unless it actually serves a purpose in my preps.

Then I remembered what I assume is a wide spread hypothesis about using it for toilet paper.  I thought, “Hey, maybe that’s not such a bad idea!”.  Turns out after thinking about it, I think it’s a horrible idea!  Just imagine…  The lights are out, you’re eating food storage meals (probably stuff you’re not used to eating day in, day out).  You aren’t going to have many comforts going for you in a time like this.  Now imagine having an upset stomach and using hard, sharp, pointy pages from the phone book to clean yourself after using the toilet.  Ouch!

Long ago I figured I’d keep some extra toilet paper around, but after mentally putting myself in a bad situation (sometimes I do that to try and think of where I might be lacking in my preparedness), I committed to NEVER being without toilet paper.  There’s simply no reason for it!  The only downside to storing 1-2 years worth of the magical “TP” is its bulk.  Other than that, it’s inexpensive and readily available.  Also, you know how various movies or TV shows poke fun of apocalyptic events alluding to using greenbacks to wipe your butt?  Well, you can get a lot more TP now for your greenbacks than when you have to use them as toilet paper!  And TP will be a lot more comfortable too

Additionally, I also think toilet paper would be a VERY attractive bartering item in an emergency.  Things that we take for granted in our daily lives will seem like incredible luxuries after an earthquake or other major disaster.  I predict toilet paper is just the kind of thing (like tampons, but that’s another post) that people will go head over heels to trade for.

Ok, so how much should I store?

Toilet paper has got to be one of the easiest things to calculate how much your family requires.  Since you (hopefully!) already use it in your daily life, just figure out how much you currently use per week/month and multiply it accordingly.  There are a few considerations you should think about while coming up with your number though:

1. Calculate ALL toilet paper sources!  Counting just how much you use at home will give you an incomplete answer.  You need to at least estimate how much you use while away from home (work, school, etc…).  Depending on your family situation, you could easily only use half of what you actually require while at home.  I know we use a lot more when my wife and I are off work.
2. Pad your numbers.  If you’re like me, this is just one area you don’t want to skimp on!  If you estimate you’ll need 5 rolls for your family per month (probably not realistic but just as an example) and the package you buy comes with 6, just assume you need 6 rolls per month for your family.  Not only will it be easier to know where you stand with your preparations (just count the packs and that’s how many months you have), it won’t hurt to have a bit extra that you can give/trade with others.
3. After you get your magic number… multiply it by 2.  If you’re to the point of relying on this stuff, you’re going to be eating foods that you might not be used to in your daily diet.  This can lead to upset stomachs, which can burn through toilet paper faster than a match!

Storage space could become an issue at some point of course, but other than that what’s your excuse?  If you’re worried about the cost (even though it’s pretty dang cheap already), you can figure out what you view as absolutely necessary, and then any “extra” could be whatever the cheapest single-ply public restroom reject tissue you can find.  It will still seem like silk when the alternative is cardboard!

What else?

I’m still working on my own GHB (Get Home Bag) that I keep at work so haven’t published details on it yet, but one thing that I’d make sure to put in any 72-hour kit, GHB, car pack, etc… is some toilet paper.  For my GHB at work I just unrolled several squares and put it in a zip baggie.  It compressed pretty well squeezing all the air out.  You just never know when you might need it!  I like multi-taskers as well and can use the tissue as tinder or even to press on a wound if needed.  I wouldn’t suggest using toilet paper to treat wounds unless it’s the only option though as it tends to “stick” and tear apart (which makes sense given its intended purpose).

Finally, if you do come to a point where you’re using the phonebook, newspaper, etc…  while you’re doing your business, grab some of it and continuously crinkle and expand it.  This will help break up the fibers a bit to make it softer.  It will still be harsher than TP but not nearly as bad as just ripping a page out and going to town.  The thought of that makes me shudder!

To summarize, between May and June I had a biometric screening that labeled me as obese, Stage 1 Hypertention, low HDL, and almost Pre-Diabetes.  I also went to the emergency room because I was having a very difficult time breathing normally, only to be diagnosed with bronchitis and put on antibiotics.

In early June I developed what I thought was a canker sore on the inside of my mouth (on the left side of my inner-cheek right where my bite is).  After 10 days of trying to get rid of it I decided it was something else and went to see my awesome dentist.  I was lucky that I had already made an appointment for routine cleaning.  He took one look at it and delivered the verdict: a blocked saliva gland…  WHAT!?!  Sure enough, I realized that it indeed seemed to flare up after eating and looked very weird (like a hard clear sac).  He told me to drain it myself and try and get the calcium deposit that caused it to come out.  It’s been 3-4 weeks since then and it’s still there, although I think it might finally be clearing up.

Add to this my seasonal allergies, which seem to be worse where we are currently living, and you’ve got a few miserable months!

It has really drilled home the importance of being as healthy as you can in case of a personal or societal emergency, especially having some basic preparations that will help you cope and overcome minor health issues that might arise during emergent situations.  Things like having a needle and rubbing alcohol to drain my saliva gland…  Who would’ve thought!

The truth is you won’t be any good for yourself or your family if you aren’t able to work.  This applies to life in general, but doubly in stressful situations such as natural disasters or other major events.  I might be a fat, lazy guy who just types on the computer all day, but the thought of being a burden to someone else because I’m not able to hold my own is unbearable to me.

Often, when I have this kind of self-epiphany, I like to create action items.  Well, my action items for this epiphany are:

• Walk at least 5,000 steps each day.  This might sound pathetic, but this is about 2.5 miles and probably about 2-3 times as much as I currently walk on a given day.
• Work out twice a week for at least 15 minutes.  I’ve got to start somewhere and I figure one day or strength training and one day of endurance is a decent start from where I’m at right now!
• Organize my first-aid kits.

I know I’m missing something, probably lots of something’s.  What are they???